Last knowledge of mine, if only I had you first.

You, whom I know so little, you whom I love so much.

I was at a summer party the other day, and the conversation turned to the topic of “if only we had known back then what our children know today.” Many admitted that they would have chosen a different profession, some might not have started a family, while others would have changed locations to build their lives. And somehow, I heard a saying from my grandmother, who used to say, “My late knowledge, if only I had you first.”

This folk saying, the truth is, has been heard a lot in recent years, especially from Generation X, which experienced a period of significant historical and economic changes on a global level. Even millennials, a generation that adapted to the rapid growth of technology and social media, have reached their third and fourth decades of life to discover the path that leads to happiness!

And what is it that most admit they didn’t initially know and later found out?

Themselves!

When I talk to young people today, I admire them because most have the determination and dynamism to say and take what they truly want and need, without necessarily agreeing with the opinions of their parents and teachers, while questioning society and the way it operates with logical arguments. At the age of sixteen, I was wavering over whether to have ice cream in a cone or in a cup, and certainly, my mother’s opinion played a big role in what I would ultimately choose.

What would happen if the 40+ generation knew all that the young people know today? How would it be, I wonder?

A very hypothetical question and perhaps with a touch of injustice. Time does not turn back.However, people, regardless of our age, have the ability, if we want, to multiply the knowledge we have acquired so far and to invest it!

How would you feel if I told you to think of the amount of money you would like to have right now in your bank account and it would appear immediately? And how would you feel if I told you that you could multiply that amount by 1,000,000 or however much you want?

Based on this analogy, think about having in the “bank of your mind” – at the beginning of your adult life – the self-awareness you have “saved” up to today. What would you have achieved? How much more would you have enjoyed? How much less might you have suffered from bad choices and mistakes? How many fewer “slaps and tears” of life would you have avoided?

However, mistakes are beneficial too! Mistakes carry the wisdom of feedback, if you see them from this perspective, because if you label them as “mistake = I am a failure,” then they become destructive.

So, imagine how you could multiply this self-awareness you have gained!

And I will make it even more “challenging”! How would it be if your child started their adult life knowing how to invest in themselves and multiply the gains from that investment! The investment in knowing who they are, what they can do, what they want to do, learning to deal with the toxicity around them and resolving difficult situations, taking care of themselves, and choosing whatever suits them, shielding their soul from would-be enemies, knowing how to invest their energy where they want and desire, and choosing the people and paths they will walk with based on their own dreams.

To soar high, with the wings for which you will have provided the essentials to build them strong and sturdy.Let’s admit it, most parents would like, if possible, to protect our children from all the bad and harmful things in the world the moment they are born by enclosing them in a huge, safe bubble! And from there, we would watch them, keep them close, and let them – at a safe distance from us – live their lives enjoying only successes and joys, living well into their old age. And that’s not a bad thing for us… because we only want what’s best for them… and our own peace and tranquility.

I must confess that in the early days of my motherhood career, I was a mom with the vision of the perfect bubble and, of course, a life full of stress. I wasn’t present in the here and now for my child or for myself. I was wavering between the “don’ts” and “shoulds” of my own mother, swirling in the hurricane of others’ opinions and perceptions. I didn’t know if what I was doing was right for my child… you probably realized that our life was difficult, and it was made so by my own ignorance. How well did I know my child to choose what was right for them? But how well did I know myself, to be able to choose what I could do and offer, without drowning? So how could we not suffocate them with our love and overprotection while also keeping the ship safe and sound?

The answer lies in a very simple rhetorical question. Who knows better about me, other than me?

By listening to myself, learning to judge and evaluate based on the values I received from the environment I was raised in, making the right connections in my little brain, and clearing the shelves of my values from “expired beliefs,” cleaning out my drawers of clothes that no longer fit me, I came closer to a more human side of myself.

I stopped listening generally and listened to my child specifically, and then to myself.I tuned into his unique and unparalleled character, stepped back from my “I know” and listened to his “it is.”
Traversing my own path of self-awareness, I became the leader of myself, took the helm of my life into my own hands. I discovered who I am, “turning over one by one the wallpapers that others stuck on my wall; admittedly, it took time to wash away the slogans, the thoughts, and the words of passersby…”.

And that’s how we met again, I and my self. I became the authentic mom for my own child. We united again, I and it, with a different umbilical cord this time, which provides both of us with nourishment and oxygen to grow together healthily!

Let’s face it, our self becomes what we choose, and each of our children depending on what we invest in them.

Maria Tsoul lofta
Philologist Professor
Certified NLP Master Practitioner & Coach